I met K. (she prefers to remain anonymous) in 2018 in a neighborhood library as she checked out my books. Was it at our first meeting that I learned her tragic story about losing her 18 year old son? She still has photos of his childhood friend eating birthday cake at their dining room table.

Her darling son had darted out of the house to stop by a party for a few minutes at the school. Spotted in an alley, his friend’s gang told him to shoot. His gang initiation. All I recall now is that I was immediately drawn to her warmth and positivity, the lilt in her laugh, the care with which she dressed. It didn’t make sense. How to explain? K. is the kind of person when absent, everyone asks, “Where is she?” Life is not the same. As if the sun hadn’t come up that day. Or your beloved mother is sick. She just has a charisma like a ball of sunshine that naturally makes everyone feel good. How did she overcome such a loss? What makes her tick? I was beside myself with curiosity.

It took two years of asking before she agreed to my painting her portrait. K’s story is a perfect example of how one’s attitude can determine the quality one’s life—-there are no guarantees except that life has its highs and lows, mishaps, health issues, and even the consequences of our own bad decisions, but talking with her, it seems the secret core to K., is how she has a knack, call it a habit, to root through it all and find the good in all the bad. A mother to three when she was only 19, she loved and cared for her children but life was hard. Her own mother neglected her, allowing others to abuse her. She had no role model but she persevered anyway. But, as she told me, “she had no choice.”

K:  (3:08) You know what? God has put some many good people in my life to help me along the way…like my social workers who, I thank God for today, I really do. They encouraged me, and they didn’t give up on me like most people did…(who’d) go,”Aw, you have all these kids and you ain’t gonna be nothing. I’m like what? I ain’t gonna be nothing? I said, just where you start out is not gonna be where you end up at. So I’m grateful. I think it made me a tougher person…I didn’t learn that from my Mom, I didn’t at all. I just got it from experience.

K gives credit to finding religion but even her pastor recognizes as I do, that there was something in her that gave her the strength to push past her struggles.

K:  (10:15) When I was 19, I moved out. Well, I always knew about God but I believe he was always with me even though I was going through the tough times in my life…you know I kept hearing in my head,”It’s gonna to get better, it’s gonna get better,” I kept hearing little thoughts in my head, “It’s gonna get better, hold on, it’s gonna get better.” And once I moved out, it actually did get better. Cause I don’t need to be around the people who are abusing me.

I told her how I loved libraries. My “favorite place in the world.” Why does she love this work?”

Her answer, as they say, “spoke volumes,” how appropriate. 

K:  (1:25) It gives me my purpose. Helping people, being there for people, I love being around people.